just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
