If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
