white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
we're making bets on your personal life
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize