Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
