There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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