Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
