you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
