I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
