Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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