Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
