you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I understand Curling. That high.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
