bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
