His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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