JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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