oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
