I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
