you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
