I want to make a zoo with you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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