Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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