so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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