I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
