Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize