You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
