i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
