Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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