I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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