Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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