God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
