He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
