woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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