i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I deserve this hangover.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
