I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
