My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
