i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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