the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
