I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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