cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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