My nipple is on Facebook.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
