He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
