clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
