i just wanna soil my oats bro
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
