They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
