All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
