I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
