You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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