PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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