she looked like the bat from fern gully.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
