And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You were trust falling into bushes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
