Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
