So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
