okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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