It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
