I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
