My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize