I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
