Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize