Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
