If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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