Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
