C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Mom said you looked used
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize