can we get nightvision for the apartment?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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