Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
