I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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