I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
