bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize