You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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