he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
