Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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