Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
