After last night, I could never be a politician.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
