fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize