there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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