Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
