and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
