That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
