The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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