if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
