There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize