new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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