R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you still have your period?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
