you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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