you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
