so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
