come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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