Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
