dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
