There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
