dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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