you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
