Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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