anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This baby is an asshole
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
