We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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