tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
