I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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