I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Randomize
