sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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