For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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