I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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