your thong is hanging out like whoa
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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