i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
