So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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