I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
too bad you live with your parents still
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
