fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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