so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
NoShamevember. You game?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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