I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
