You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
