no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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