Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
