Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
