I'm lost and stupid without you.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
