Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
